Having a loved one with dementia can be a significant adjustment for your entire family. While the nature of your time together may change, it can still be just as meaningful as it was before their diagnosis.

An estimated 7.4 million Americans age 65 and older are living with Alzheimer's dementia today, according to the Alzheimer's Association, and millions more family members support a loved one through the journey. You are not navigating this alone.

Upon receiving a diagnosis, we recommend that you talk with your loved one's memory care team. They can help you identify the best times of the day to visit, activities you can enjoy together and other ways to make the most of your visits. 

In the interim, here are some tips based on The Goodman Group’s Montessori Inspired Lifestyle® approach to care when visiting your loved one.

Montessori Inspired Lifestyle®

Most memory care communities managed by The Goodman Group have implemented the Montessori Inspired Lifestyle® to care for a few reasons. It allows residents to focus on their individual strengths and engage in meaningful activities

Routines are important, especially for people with dementia. They work best alongside plenty of room for basic human choice.

“All of our team members are trained to offer choice, to give our residents the time they need to still be independent and decide things on their own,” shares Tina V., regional director of life enrichment at The Goodman Group. “We offer choice in everything from what residents wear to when they want to shower, when they want to brush their teeth, when they want to eat their meals, what they want to eat for their meals and what activities they want to do.”

Montessori Inspired Lifestyle® is all about meeting residents where they're at while focusing on what they are able to do independently. This approach drives how residents, team members and visitors interact with one another. 

Timing Matters

Visit at a time of day that works best for your loved one, so your time together fits comfortably into the flow of their day. That may be during meals which you can share together, after a nap or another time of day when they feel best. 

Later in the day, an effect of dementia known as sundowning can make them feel more tired and confused. The care team can advise you on the best times for your loved one. 

At the beginning of each visit, say hello and use your loved one’s name or relationship to you: “Hi Jean,” or “Hi dad.” If they seem uncertain, add your name: “Hi mom, it’s Bob.” If your loved one doesn’t seem to recognize you, don’t take it personally. This is an effect that dementia can have and it may or may not be recurring. Keep in mind that what’s most important is that you’re able to be together. Your loved one will feel your love and care, regardless of whether or not they remember your name. 

Flexibility is Important

If you’re visiting regularly, your loved one may not always feel or act the same as they did on your last visit. Accept that they are where they need to be in the moment and try to adjust to sharing that moment with them. 

We suggest letting go of the urge to correct your loved one’s memory or comments, even if they’re not accurate. It’s also a good idea not to insist on anything like a day of the week, someone’s name or someone’s relationship to your loved one. People living with dementia can feel most at ease when they aren't made to feel corrected. Being with your loved one is far more important than small details.

Stay as long as both you and your loved one are comfortable. One day that may be an hour or more; on another, 10 or 15 minutes may be enough. There is no set time frame for a visit, and every visit can be different. 

However long you stay, make sure they are the focus of your visit. Unless you are sharing an activity like a meal or other event, it can be confusing to your loved one if you’re distracted by answering your cell phone, for example. It’s best to stay in the moment and be present with each visit.

Staying Connected Through Virtual Visits

Some weeks, an in-person visit isn't possible. When that happens, video calls can be a meaningful way to stay connected with your loved one between visits. It can help families of residents living with dementia maintain relationships and emotional well-being.

A few tips:

• Choose a familiar, quiet spot with good lighting so your loved one can see your face clearly.
• Bring a photo, a favorite song or a simple update to give the conversation an easy starting point.

A tablet, smartphone or laptop with a video calling app like FaceTime or Zoom works well for most families, and your loved one's memory care team can help set up a device or a regular call schedule that fits their routine.

This new chapter can bring new ways to connect. Patience, consideration for your loved one's wishes and simply being present with them can turn any visit into a meaningful one.